i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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