I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
