So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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