he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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