it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
