So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
