Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's blow job season.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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