I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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