You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
