im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dick has a subreddit
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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