I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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