i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
