I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
