Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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