Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
