the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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