Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
