I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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