THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
zippers are such a cool invention
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
