She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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