i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
