your parents love me but you hate me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
