forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
