I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
