I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
smell my finger.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
