I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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