Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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