We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
