did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
