plz talk dirty to me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
