She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
