Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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