that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Less talking, more tequila
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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