I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
True strength comes from lack of pants
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
