I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
