I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
