M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
