i was born a porn star she said
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
