he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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