I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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