My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
should my penis look like a turkey
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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