i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize