dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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