Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
someone owes me an orgasm
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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