I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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