I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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