When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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