1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
