I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
