I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
