my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
