Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i drank out of a bidet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
