If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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