whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
