it's too hot outside to masturbate.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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