I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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