Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want nice things and good sex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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