he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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