i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who put my cat in the fridge?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
