Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
