I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
