I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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