Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do vagina's smell?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize