The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
