foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize