I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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