dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Randomize
