Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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