Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
