the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
