ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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