explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
