I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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